The following review was written by Shawn Sinclaire of Gamecube Advanced. The members of Xbox Advanced thank Shawn for his support during a hectic reorganization period

First and foremost, to every single one of you out there who have tried to bash Goldeneye: Rogue Agent for being a bad game, here’s some news. Goldeneye: Rogue Agent is not a bad game. Think back to some bad games you all may have encountered in your lifetime. Superman 64, Drake and the 99 Dragons, and Hooter’s Road Trip may immediately come to mind. Also immediately you may remember why they were bad games. See, that’s what Goldeneye: Rogue Agent lacks. Nothing in Rogue Agent is bad enough for you to actually remember it by, but there’s not much good enough for you to warrant a purchase at 50 bucks. In short, Goldeneye: Rogue Agent is far from horrible. It is horribly mediocre.

Wait a Minute, I’m Evil?

When Rogue Agent was first announced, it began as merely a rumor. Apparently, someone was finally working on a sequel to the 1997 Game of the Year, Goldeneye. However, as more and more progress was done on the game, it became apparent that a sequel to Goldeneye just wasn’t feasible. Instead, they opted to allow you to play as a character in the Bond universe named Goldeneye. Better yet, they decided to make him evil and allow you to play on the other side of the Bond universe. The concept was never flawed and is actually quite intriguing. The problem ended up being in the implementation.

The plot behind Goldeneye: Rogue Agent takes place before the events of Goldeneye. You play as an MI6 Agent who has lost his eye to the notorious Bond villain, Dr. No. After losing your eye, you apparently lost your self-control as well, because you become known for your ruthless tactics and disregard for human life. When you demonstrate these tactics in front of M during a hologram training session, she immediately dismisses you from MI6. With no where left to go, you turn to the infamous villain Goldfinger for assistance. With his technology he invents a replacement eye made of gold with some technological features that are sure to aid you in your quest for vengeance.

Such is your task throughout the majority of the game. You’re a villain who is chasing after other villains. Basically, if one simply said, “You know, let’s just pretend that the main character isn’t evil,” then you wouldn’t notice a difference between this and any other FPS. Sure, some of the tactics you use are pretty ruthless, but you’re killing off bad guys. Doesn’t that, in a weird kind of mind boggling way, automatically make you good? You are helping MI6 by killing Dr. No, right? So…You’re essentially good? For all you mathematicians out there, here’s the formula. Good guy + Evil targets = Hero. Good guy + Good targets = Traitor. Evil guy + Good targets = Villain. Evil Guy + Evil targets = You as a pseudo-good guy with a chip on his shoulder.

Ugh, my brain hurts.